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I Stood My Ground

Last summer, I ran into one of the men who sexually assaulted me.

I knew it was a matter of time. We live in the same town. We have mutual friends. The clock was ticking. I was mentally prepared.

I thought.

It was a Saturday. I’d spent all week writing  A Risky Prospect. He hadn’t been far from my mind while I wrote Olivia struggling through her own PTSD. Still, I hadn’t exactly been worried about running into him.

I drove to the store for a pack of cigarettes. As I got out of my car and headed in, he went inside. I thought he looked familiar from behind, but talked myself out of it. I see men who look like him all the time and initially panic, then realize they are someone else. When I got inside, he turned around.

It was him.

We stood 10 or 20 feet apart. He stared at me. I stared back.

I wanted to turn and walk right back out. But I wanted that pack of cigarettes even more—especially since there he stood, right in front of me for the first time in years.

The last time I saw him was at the wake of a mutual friend.

As we stared each other down, I remembered everything: his hands around my throat, the mess on my face, the quiet and numb ride home, how I cut all contact with him as soon as I got out of his car and into the safety of my home.

I also remembered the good things: how he was my first kiss, how we stood there in front of our high school, snow falling around us. How he’d give me his hoodie when I was cold. How he always said the right things, but I no longer believed him.

He stood there in the store, I stood there in the store. He looked like he wanted to say something—just like the night of the wake. Except this time, I didn’t turn and walk away.

He was the one to walk away.

I bought my cigarettes and I drove home.

Even as the flashbacks slammed into me, I was proud of myself. I stood my ground.

It was a huge step forward for me.

Photo by Steinar Engeland on Unsplash

A RISKY PROSPECT Glossary

While reading A Risky Prospect, there might be some terms you aren’t familiar with, or places you need a refresher for. I’ve put together a glossary of biker slang and club roles, as well as terms special to the River Reapers MC, plus locations.

Looking for the character guide? Click here!

♠

Cara’s: A diner on 63 that Donny and Esther work at. Many of the River Reapers frequent Cara’s.

Colors: A logo of sorts that adorns the back of MC members’ cuts. Usually embroidered onto the leather. The River Reapers colors is the Sludge Specter—a sludge-covered reaper that is a nod to the polluted Naugatuck River.

Cut: The leather jacket or vest that members of a club wear, usually with the club’s insignia embroidered onto the back, and various patches sewn on.

Enforcer: Sort of a bouncer for the club… or the guy who sorts things out when talking doesn’t work.

Hangaround: A non-member who hangs out with the MC, often at The Wet Mermaid. Usually other motorcycle enthusiasts and even non-rival bikers.

House Mouse: A woman who is unaffiliated with but hangs out with the club.

Holeshot: When someone in a motor vehicle rips up gravel. It’s also the fastest driver during a race. Not a biker term, but a reader asked about it, so I figured I’d include it. It also used to be my dad’s CB handle.

Ol’ Lady / Ol’ Man: Girlfriend/boyfriend, usually serious.

One-kicker: In A Disturbing Prospect, Cliff mentions that he isn’t a one-kick wonder yet; this means that he can’t start his bike with just one kick of the starter.

One-percenter: A club that is involved with illegal activity.

Lewisburg: The prison that both Cliff and Mercy served time in.

MC: Motorcycle club

Naugatuck, CT: The dying industrial town where the series takes place. Also a real town near where I grew up.

Naugatuck River: A river that cuts through Naugatuck and Waterbury. Known nationally in real life for its chemical pollution. More recently, there was an oil spill. Some say the river is cursed.

Patch: This can refer to the patch on a biker’s cut, or the verb—as in, getting patched in, meaning being accepted as a member.

President: The member who oversees club activities, duties, and operations.

Prospect: A potential member.

Pussy Pad: The seat on the back of the bike, usually where a biker’s ol’ lady rides.

River Reapers MC: A fictional motorcycle club named for the Naugatuck River.

Rocker: A curved patch that is usually placed on the side or back of a cut. Usually designates the club’s name.

Sergeant-at-Arms: The member who handles club rules, patches, etc. Also sometimes weapons. (In some MCs, the SAA and Enforcer are interchangeable terms for the same role.)

Sludge Specter: A patch awarded only to members willing to do anything for the MC, who have actually gone above and beyond member duties. Also refers to the MC’s colors.

“Take them to the river”: A River Reapers phrase referring to killing someone—usually determined by a club vote. Example: When the original members voted to kill Bastard for molesting Lucy, they voted whether to take him to the river. Bodies are often buried on the Naugatuck River front, making it a more literal phrase.

Treasurer: The member who takes care of funds. Also organizes activities, fundraisers, and other club events.

Vice President: Second-in-command, usually coordinates Church and other events, and also takes over President roles in case that member can’t perform his duties.

The Wet Mermaid: The strip club owned by the River Reapers. The business is under Treasurer Mark’s name.

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A RISKY PROSPECT Character Guide

As the River Reapers MC series grows, you might have a hard time keeping track of all the characters. (I know I do, sometimes!) The following is an appendix of the characters and their relationships as of the second book in the series, A Risky Prospect.

NOTE: This guide contains spoilers! If you haven’t finished Book 1, A Disturbing Prospect, please see this character guide instead.

  • Abraham: Non-officer member of the River Reapers MC. He is a barber and is in a serious relationship with his boyfriend Rui.
  • Salome & León Aguirre: Esther’s grandparents. Current guardians of Esther’s little sisters.
  • Beer Can: The Sergeant-at-Arms for the River Reapers MC. He works at The Wet Mermaid (strip club) as a bouncer.
  • Finn Byrne: Greg’s brother. Naugatuck police officer.
  • Greg Byrne: Olivia’s ex-boyfriend and the frontman of Oh Vile Eye.
  • Mark Clayton: The Treasurer for the River Reapers MC. He works at The Wet Mermaid (strip club) as a general manager.
  • Sebastian “Bastard” Demmel: Cliff’s deceased father, and the previous President of the River Reapers MC. Lucy’s uncle.
  • Cliff Demmel: The hero of our story. Ex-con and new Prospect of the River Reapers MC. Lucy’s cousin. Olivia’s… something.
  • Lucy Demmel: Cliff’s cousin and Olivia’s adoptive sister. She teaches first grade.
  • Nora & Collin Demmel: Lucy’s parents, Olivia’s adoptive parents, and Cliff’s aunt and uncle.
  • Dio: Olivia’s orange tabby kitten. Named for the god of heavy metal.
  • Esther Figueroa: Olivia’s bookish roommate and Donny’s ol’ lady. She just graduated from the Social Work program with Olivia at Southern Connecticut State University.
  • Abril Figueroa: Esther’s 11-year-old sister.
  • Cierra Figueroa: Esther’s 14-year-old sister.
  • Toci & Josué Figueroa: Esther, Cierra, Abril, and Ximena’s abusive parents.
  • Ximena “Jimmy” Jimenez Figueroa: Esther’s five-year-old sister.
  • Todd “Ravage” Harris: The current President of the River Reapers MC. Mercy’s best friend.
  • Shannon Harris: Ravage’s ol’ lady. She runs a non-profit for sexual assault survivors.
  • Donny Jackson: The Enforcer for the River Reapers MC and Esther’s ol’ man.
  • Elijah “Eli” Moretti: Olivia’s deceased photography classmate. He stalked Olivia, assaulted her cat, and broke into her apartment, where she shot and killed him.
  • Pru: Dancer at The Wet Mermaid.
  • Bree Reynolds: Olivia’s mother, whereabouts unknown.
  • Mercer “Mercy” Reynolds: The previous Vice President of the River Reapers MC, and Bastard’s ex-best friend. Currently serving time in maximum security at Lewisburg. Considers Ravage his best friend.
  • Olivia Reynolds: The heroine of our story. Lucy’s adopted sister. Cliff’s… something. Bree’s daughter. She just graduated from the Social Work program with Esther (roommate) at Southern Connecticut State University.
  • Skid: The current Vice President of the River Reapers MC. Half of his body is covered in road rash due to a motorcycle accident, hence his nickname.
  • Stixx: Non-officer member of the River Reapers MC. He’s all tatted up and a little wild in the eyes, but he’s got a soft center.
  • Trish: Bartender at The Wet Mermaid.
  • Vaughn: Non-officer member of River Reapers MC. He is a hacker.
  • Ruth Wood: Cliff’s deceased mother, and Lucy’s aunt. No affiliation with the MC, other than Bastard’s ol’ lady.

Please note that I excluded a few characters from this list in order to keep the book spoiler-free. Did I miss a character or a (spoiler-free) connection? Please email me and let me know!

Is there a glossary or guide you’d like to see for the River Reapers series? Leave a comment and let me know!

A Risky Prospect
River Reapers MC, Book 2
Available March 18th

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What Inspired A RISKY PROSPECT and the River Reapers MC Series

TW: This post discusses my recovery from sexual assault.

I’ve been asked a few times about what inspired A Risky Prospect; mainly, whether Olivia’s PTSD and recovery from sexual assault is based on my own experience.

I am a sexual assault survivor.

It still feels weird to say that. It’s only been four years since I started facing my traumas and recognizing what happened to me. Two different “boyfriends” hurt me—one over a period of years, the other over a few months. Both assaults happened in different ways—not the textbook “attacked in an alley” way. I’m still working through what that means. Our society has a huge denial issue when it comes to rape. We don’t discuss it. We don’t believe survivors. We don’t punish rapists.

Once I started unpacking what happened to me and how, I started feeling less ashamed and more angry. I didn’t know what to do with that anger, though. Both of the people who hurt me are long out of my life.

I knew before I even sat down to write this series that eventually I wanted the River Reapers to be vigilantes, to be the ones that people in their town turned to when no one else would help. I also knew I didn’t want to just jump into their adventures as vigilantes; I wanted to build up to it, lay down a foundation of some history, and then let ’em at it.

“One in five women and one in 71 men will be raped at some point in their lives,” reports the National Sexual Violence Resource Center. In the face of these astounding statistics and the rape culture the U.S. is stewing in, I needed to do something. I also needed to tell my story for my own healing. So I took those two “men” who hurt me, rolled them into one character, and let Olivia’s story unfold. It was cathartic for me but also served as a driving force for the River Reapers to take things into their own hands.

My own traumas weren’t the only things that inspired this book, though.

In 2006, not too long after the second event, I met a man who restored my faith in men. Mike showed me what it’s like to have a healthy relationship. He also supported me relentlessly while I unpacked all of my shit and dealt with it. He might not fully understand PTSD, but he tries. From the very beginning, we just fit. In a way, he’s the reason I started writing romance; through him, I started believing in love again. Pieces of him found their way into every hero I’ve ever written, but I put a whole lot of him in Cliff.

I’d need more than a few sentences to capture what he means to me. Cliff is sort of an ode to Mike.

Especially the crusty man socks in Book 1. 😉

My love for vigilantes and Sons of Anarchy sparked this series, but I also wanted to do things a little differently. If you’ve been with me for a while, you know I write “badass belles who chose the other path.” I often flip gender roles and stomp on assumptions about women. I write “unlikable” heroines: women who are strong, foulmouthed, and sex positive. I hate how much our society shames women for loving sex. I hate that both men and other women do this. Women who love sex are called all sorts of awful things, and it makes my eye twitch. There’s nothing wrong with enjoying your body and having sex. Nothing! Sex is one of my favorite things, so I passed that on to Olivia. I wanted to show other women that it’s perfectly okay to be sex positive.

This book also has several healthy female friendships. I’m lucky to be surrounded by many strong, supportive, loving women in my life. Some of them I got by birth, others by chance and choice, but I’m grateful for all of them. A Risky Prospect dives deeper into Olivia and her roommate Esther’s friendship, and strengthens Olivia and Lucy’s relationship.

It’s not all about Olivia, though.

While doing research before and while writing this series, I learned a lot about the prison system and the hardships that people like Cliff face when they’re released. Cliff lost 20 years of his life and is going through a sort of identity crisis. He isn’t sure whether he loves Olivia or just the idea of her, and he has no idea what to do with himself outside of their relationship. While Olivia is unpacking her PTSD, Cliff has to figure out who he is and what he wants in life. He also has to reconcile his dreams with the reality in front of him.

A Risky Prospect is the hardest and darkest book I’ve ever written, but it’s also the book I’m most proud of. It’s got many bright spots and swoony moments. I can’t wait for the world to experience the next installment of Olivia and Cliff’s story. I hope you’ll all be as obsessed with these two as I am.

A Risky Prospect
River Reapers MC, Book 2
Now Available

Brash social worker Olivia has been through her own personal hell and come out the other side, tattered but determined to make things better in her corrupt town—no matter the cost. Her roommate’s current situation is the perfect place to start.

When ex-con Cliff’s wild ol’ lady Olivia comes to him and the River Reapers for help, he’s on board. His vigilante motorcycle club can get the job done, and it’ll help convince Olivia to take the next step in their relationship.

But when Olivia’s traumatic past walks through the club’s doors, there’s no stopping her from doing whatever it takes to settle her own score. Even if it means crossing a line that Cliff might not be able to pull her back from.

Read Chapter 1 | Read with Kindle Unlimited | Order a Signed Paperback

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A DISTURBING PROSPECT Character Guide

As the River Reapers series grows, I’ve realized I need a sort of Wiki to keep track of all these people. And if I need help, I can just imagine how you feel! In the vein of George R.R. Martin, I’ve put together an appendix of the characters and their relationships as of the first book in the series, A Disturbing Prospect.

Looking for the A Risky Prospect character guide? Click here!

  • Beer Can: The Sergeant-at-Arms for the River Reapers MC. He works at The Wet Mermaid (strip club) as a bouncer.
  • Mark Clayton: The Treasurer for the River Reapers MC. He works at The Wet Mermaid (strip club) as a general manager.
  • Sebastian “Bastard” Demmel: Cliff’s deceased father, and the previous President of the River Reapers MC. Lucy’s uncle.
  • Cliff Demmel: The hero of our story. Ex-con and new Prospect of the River Reapers MC. Lucy’s cousin. Olivia’s… something.
  • Lucy Demmel: Cliff’s cousin and Olivia’s adoptive sister. She teaches first grade.
  • Dio: Olivia’s orange tabby kitten. Named for the god of heavy metal.
  • Esther Figueroa: Olivia’s mousy roommate and Donny’s ol’ lady. She’s in the Social Work program with Olivia at Southern Connecticut State University.
  • Donny Jackson: The Enforcer for the River Reapers MC and Esther’s ol’ man.
  • Elijah “Eli” Moretti: Olivia’s photography classmate.
  • Ravage: The current President of the River Reapers MC. Mercy’s best friend.
  • Bree: Olivia’s mother, whereabouts unknown.
  • Mercer “Mercy” Reynolds: The previous Vice President of the River Reapers MC, and Bastard’s ex-best friend. Currently serving time in maximum security at Lewisburg. Considers Ravage his best friend.
  • Olivia Reynolds: The heroine of our story. Lucy’s adopted sister. Cliff’s… something. Bree’s daughter. She’s in the Social Work program with Esther (roommate) at Southern Connecticut State University.
  • Skid: The current Vice President of the River Reapers MC.
  • Ruth Wood: Cliff’s deceased mother, and Lucy’s aunt. No affiliation with the MC, other than Bastard’s ol’ lady.

Did I miss a character or a (spoiler-free) connection? Please email me and let me know!

Is there a glossary or guide you’d like to see for the River Reapers series? Leave a comment and let me know!

Photo by Tamas Munkacsi on Unsplash

Anatomy of a Biker’s Cut

In another life, I’d be a biker.

I love the freedom, the camaraderie, and the bikes themselves. If I could physically ride or even start the thing, I’d totally get one. My UCTD kinda makes that impossible, but I can live vicariously.

That’s part of why I write MC romance.

Oh, I’m sure real bikers laugh at shows like Sons of Anarchy and books like mine, but I still try to write about the life as realistically as possible. Between family members who are members of SCs/RCs (social riding clubs) and family friends who are members of MCs (motorcycle clubs), I soak it all in. One thing I really wanted to get straight were all of the patches on the cut.

At first glance, a biker’s cut can look like a random collection of patches. But each patch has a different meaning, and some patches will even vary from club to club. I threw together a watered down diagram of the patches you’ll see on almost every cut.

The top rocker is sort of a banner with the club’s name on it. The bottom rocker usually displays the club’s location. The club colors are really just a logo. When you see a sign that says “no colors allowed,” it means no MC cuts. Social clubs are sometimes accepted, depending on the establishment. The side rockers display the club’s name on the bottom sides of the cut, usually wrapping around to the front. So our River Reapers MC cuts would look something like this:

Note: On the back, there’s also a patch that signifies whether the club is a MC or SC (sometimes referred to as RC, depending on the region). I forgot it when making this graphic. 😅

On the front, there are several other patches. Again, this’ll vary from club to club.

For the River Reapers MC, I kept it simple.

On the right breast, there are club name and office patches. The right is empty, unless the member has earned a special patch—like a Sludge Specter patch. Those gray things are supposed to be pockets, in case ya can’t tell. I’m no illustrator.

In the wild, you might see bikers with a billion patches. These can be special to each club, so it really could vary. Sons of Anarchy kept theirs simple, too.

The cut itself might be leather or denim. My River Reapers wear leather, because there’s nothing like that heavenly creaking sound. At least, that’s how I feel about it. I appreciate that a lot of people want to be cruelty-free, in which case a vegan leather vest or old fashioned denim would be suitable. The River Reapers wear thrifted leather, that way it’s already broken in and they’re recycling. 😉

So there you have it—the anatomy of a cut! I hope you enjoyed this, because I plan on doing more fun posts. Let me know if you liked this and what else you want to see!

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The “Kidnapped by the Biker” Trope Needs to Die

I loved Sons of Anarchy, so when I discovered there was a whole sub-genre of biker romances, I pounced. Except I was disappointed again and again.

Over and over, I kept coming across the same trope: kidnapped by the biker. Usually the heroine is the daughter of the President of a rival MC, and the hero kidnaps her as retaliation. She’s dragged out in the middle of the night, bound, and kept as a pawn in their game. Over time, she and the hero fall in love.

That’s not love. Not my idea of love, anyway. I can’t imagine ever having positive feelings toward someone who was so cruel to me.

I’m also not a fan of the damsel in distress trope. I prefer my heroines kicking ass and taking names.

So I wrote my own.

If a rival MC ever kidnaps Olivia, god help them. 😂

Which tropes would you like to see less of? Sound off in the comments!

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Playlist for A RISKY PROSPECT

I might’ve gone overboard with this one.

It’s two and a half hours long, with 38 songs. And that’s after I pared it down a bit!

I can’t help it, though. A Risky Prospect happens to be my longest novel ever, so it makes sense that it comes with such a hefty playlist. If I had to pick one song that encapsulates this book, I’d be screwed. Each of these songs is so important to this book (and me). I love this playlist so much, I’ve been listening to it pretty much nonstop since I finished the first draft back in October. Some of these songs are my all-time favorites.

Check it out, then let me know what you think! Which ones are your favorites?

FYI, you can now pre-order A Risky Prospect! Click the button below.

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Playlist for A DISTURBING PROSPECT

Feel the Olivia and Cliff vibes with this playlist of songs that inspired me while writing A Disturbing Prospect.

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SONS OF ANARCHY Handled Tara’s Stalker All Wrong

As much as I love Sons of Anarchy, one thing has always bugged me: how Tara’s stalker was handled.

Don’t get me wrong. It was super heroic of Jax to kill that motherfucker. And that sex scene after, with the body right in the corner? Smoking hot, even if a little twisted.

But.

But!

Kohn tortured Tara. Terrorized her. Drove her out of her job and home, and then followed her there and continued to toy with her.

As a woman who has had a stalker, I really needed Tara to be the one to kill Kohn.

He was her demon; she should’ve slayed him.

Instead, we got a classic damsel in distress storyline, with Jax saving the day and Tara not at all empowered. You could argue that her character wasn’t the stalker killing type, and maybe you’re right, but it still bugged me.

My stalker wasn’t nearly as deranged as Kohn, but he was scary enough. He seemed benign enough, at first—a photographer in one of my college classes who needed a model. I’d done some modeling for a high school friend, so I jumped at the chance. Then he started talking about shooting me nude, in the woods, so I politely extracted myself.

Or so I thought.

For weeks, he followed me all over campus. It wasn’t a small campus, so at first I tried to convince myself that we just kept running into each other. But I was creeped out, and my gut is never wrong.

He wouldn’t let the shoot go, either.

Thankfully, I had some awesome friends who were more than happy to hover around me like overprotective brothers, and my stalker eventually got the message. I never even had to use my mace. Which was kinda too bad.

Still, when I watched Sons of Anarchy for the first time, I related to Tara quite a bit. Obsessive men are fucking scary. I hoped and hoped Tara would be the one to save herself, and even though I wasn’t surprised when Jax saved her, I was still disappointed.

Years later, when I sat down to write the forbidden biker romance that became A Disturbing Prospect, I knew one thing for sure: my distressed damsel would not be asking her biker boyfriend to handle her problems.

Maybe I’m being stubborn, but I’ve been taking care of myself my whole life. I don’t need Prince Charming to ride in on his motorcycle and shoot down my dragon. I’ve got my own gun. I’ll slay my own monsters.

-Olivia, A Disturbing Prospect (River Reapers MC, Book 1)

Maybe if more of us handled things like Olivia, creepy men would back the fuck off.

No offense, Tara.

Did you know you can pre-order the sequel to A Disturbing Prospect? Click here!

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