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Romance with a Body Count, Issue 2

Remember how I was teasing “exciting things coming”? Well, those exciting things are here!

Romance with a Body Count

Elizabeth Barone’s Reader Newsletter

Romanticizing the ugly, live reading to you, and turning you into a character

February 2025

💝 Happy month of love! 💝

Where I live, winter will be over… soon? Usually I spend this season miserable, not gonna lie. It’s cold, and when it gets cold, my joints get uncooperative. Then the depression kicks in, and the whole cycle starts all over again. This winter I’ve been determined to find things to fall in love with, and I’ve fallen hard. Here are a few of the things I’ve been romanticizing:

  • winter sunrises and sunsets
  • all the hot drinks
  • electric blankets
  • walking arm in arm

💬 What are you romanticizing lately? And while you’re at it, tell me where you’re at in the world, and what season it is for you!

writing updates

Sometimes, you just gotta kick it old school. I printed out a hard copy of Sleeve of Hearts and went to town with a red pen, some Post-its, and a stapler. I feel a bit like a butcher, but this book is finally shaping into what I envisioned, so it’s worth it. Not only have I been restructuring the thing, I’m also writing new scenes that work so much better.

One thing about me, I will rewrite a book until it’s right. Now that I’m armed with healthier boundaries, some deep inner work, and craft enrichment, it feels right and good. I’m happier than ever and doing some of my best work. I seriously can’t wait for you guys to read Kinsley & Antoni’s story!

New Podcast

Remember how I was teasing “exciting things coming”? Well, those exciting things are here! After years of false starts, I’ve finally launched a podcast. And it’s a little different.

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Books, Bud, and Brews: Episode 2

Welcome back to Books, Bud, and Brews. I love saying that!

What a week. This week was really hard. I had to just unplug from all the media, and I needed to rest, and regroup a little bit, and I took a morning nap, which felt amazing, and I woke up actually feeling much better, and it was an accidental nap. *chuckles* I was watching the Reading Rainbow documentary, and that actually was just the pep talk I needed.

I don’t know—it’s so strange, sometimes when I watch things, or read things, they’re exactly what I need, and it was wild. Reading Rainbow—still saving my generation’s sanity, to this day.

So, what are we talking about today? We are talking about writer burnout, which is taking us out, one by one, like dominoes, and we don’t talk about it at all. So I’m gonna talk about it.

We’re also going to talk about character trauma, and character arcs, and healing together from trauma, in romance.

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author burnout

So, creative burnout. It’s a thing. It happens to writers. It happens to us a lot. It’s an issue in our community that we don’t talk about. I don’t think readers are even remotely aware. I just think readers kind of see—you guys see the after effects of burnout, right. You’ll see that the series you’re really into is not being continued anymore, or that author’s not on social media anymore. Or, you’ll see author’s kind of rescheduling releases a lot or completely cancelling different releases, different events, stuff like that. I’ve also seen authors be really up front with readers, like “Hey, I’m going through this thing right now, and I just can’t get this book out at the moment. I need a moment for myself, and I need to regroup, reset, and relax, and reevaluate things. The wonderful thing about the book community is, people are generally pretty supportive of this. Which is why I don’t understand why we don’t talk about it, because our readers are very supportive, other authors are very supportive.

We got sucked into this myth that we have to publish quickly because the algorithms on certain retailers favor that. The thing is, before those algorithms were a thing, we were lucky if we saw a book a year from our favorite authors. I mean, authors were creating pen names so they could publish more than one book in a year. The norm really was every year or so you’d get a new book from that author. Sometimes even longer. Books used to take years and years and years in between, like, series books. I mean, if you don’t have the experience of waiting for the next book in the series, and you’re just so hungry for any news, and then it comes out, and you get that first cozy-up with it—it’s the best.

So we didn’t always have this insane breakneck speed schedule. Readers were happy waiting, writers would just take their time, focus on the craft. Things would just naturally come out, and people would get to enjoy them.

Now, there’s nothing wrong with a fast release schedule, do not get me wrong. Because it can be great, there are people who literally read books *snaps fingers* within hours. You’re amazing. So no hate to people that write fast or read fast. What I’m really talking about is when we kind of get stuck in this thought that, “I have to serve this algorithm. I have to be on this schedule. I have to be very fast. I have to keep putting books out. I have to release weekly, or monthly.”

I have actually seen people trying to do weekly schedules. I’ve seen people do monthly. It’s… a lot. The authors are suffering. That’s the thing. If people were not burning out so bad, and things were just moving along, that would be fine. The problem is, all the time, authors are disappearing, never to be heard from again. Authors that were doing well—that were kicking ass in their careers, that were really just taking off, and then all of a sudden, they burn out. I’ve seen authors talk about it, to the extent where they’ll kind of explain a little about what’s going on, and then I’ve also seen authors just never come back, either.

There’s also an issue within the industry of an expectation of speed. I was just talking with some authors and other industry people about how they’re formatting books and copyediting books that aren’t even written yet. So if you can kind of break that down and digest what I just said, they are copyediting books that are not written yet. *chuckles* I don’t know how that works. He explained it, it sounds stressful for everyone on all sides of it.

I don’t know what we’re doing.

I think that we need to start saying no. I think that we need to start putting boundaries for ourselves and others, and I think we need to lose the mindset that we are all in competition with each other. This kind of competitive spirit has become toxic. It’s one thing to push yourself and to want to do better, and keep pushing forward, and it’s another to just pit all authors against each other, and constantly be working against each other. We are actually on the same side, because I don’t know about you guys, but I can’t keep up with a person who can read three to five books in a day. *laughs* Never mind one book a day. I’m just always amazed by how quickly people tell me they read my books, or other books, or how many books they read in a day. That kind of thing always blows my mind, because at this point I feel like I’m lucky to read a book a year.

So what can we do? We can talk about it. That’s all I wanted. I’ve actually been in author groups where I posted something just saying, “Hey guys, we really need to talk about this, and try to figure it out, because we really are disappearing.” We’re burning out at, I think, a pretty steady rate, and it’s kind of alarming. I’ve also experienced burnout for myself, and I don’t want that, our readers don’t want that, we don’t want that for ourselves. We want better for ourselves. We want to have businesses that are sustainable and fun, and we keep getting better at what we do, and we do cool shit together. That’s what I think. So I think we start talking about it, and we collaborate on solutions for burnout. We get more collaborative in general. You know, you’re not my competition, I’m not your competition, because they’re gonna read all of our books, and then some. *laughs* So we don’t need to worry about whose book they want to read. They’re gonna read all the books.

And we also start setting boundaries for ourselves. We really think about, “If I’m going to publish a book a month, if that’s something I am going to do, that I’m comfortable with and able to do, and I can do it in a healthy, sustainable way, then what are the boundaries I’m going to put into place for myself?” Because you can’t keep pouring out of yourself if you have nothing coming in. And if you’re constantly working late, working weekends—and I understand a lot of us don’t have the flexibility in our lives to have a steady, consistent schedule at all. I mean, I don’t have kids right now, but I do have chronic illnesses. They’re like kids, they’re always needing something, they don’t go away, they don’t go with their dad for the weekend. *chuckles* Some of us are writing nights, some of us are working around other work schedules, some of us are working around family, so it’s a lot of different things that are going on.

But say I work nine to five. I stay tight within those boundaries. Or if I can only grab time where I can, say I’m writing tonight, then it’s only gonna be for an hour, 9-10 p.m., and then I’m done, I’m going to rest or relax or do something else. It’s about boundaries.

It’s also about saying no… to people that think we can *snaps fingers* generate a book. This is where it’s going to get interesting, because we have this AI technology now. We are not meant to just vomit things out. We’re not supposed to just endlessly go go go, we are human beings. We are meant to experience, and feel, and enjoy our lives. Yes, enjoy. We are meant to enjoy, and experience—even if the circumstances around us are not ideal and perfect, we’re still meant to enjoy and feel and experience. We are not supposed to keep going and burn ourselves out.

So I think those three things are a great starting point. We talk about it, we start collaborating more, and we keep some boundaries.


reading to you

Today we are reading from A Disturbing Prospect, Book 1 in my River Reapers MC series.

That was Chapter 2 from A Disturbing Prospect. You can go back and watch Chapter 1. The entire book is available for free everywhere ebooks are sold, and it’s also available on my website in serialized chapters, and I have signed paperbacks available.


what a character:
Healing trauma through reading

From ex-con to leader of the MC

Last week we read Chapter 1 of A Disturbing Prospect, and Cliff got out of prison, and he is trying to figure out pretty much everything. He doesn’t have a place to stay, he doesn’t have anywhere to go, he doesn’t have a job, he doesn’t know if he has any friends or family that he’s going to be able to have as a support system, and he’s figuring everything out. His character arc is pretty awesome. I’m going to try not to spoil anything.

So when Cliff gets out of prison, he is dealing with several traumas. He’s processing so much. He has just gotten out of prison after a 20-year sentence. He’s dealing with grief, and loss. He’s also dealing with having witnessed a child hurt. He’s dealing with separation from his family. And he’s dealing with reintegration, getting back into society.

Everything is different for him. Those are the things he notices is everything is different. He is not familiar with anything anymore. The technology has changed, everything that he knew going in is pretty much horribly outdated, and there’s all this new stuff that he’s gotta figure out. So the first thing he has to figure out is, how does he find his family, so that he can maybe have a chance. Because the statistics of inmates committing another crime are really high when they first get out. Turns out there’s really no rehabilitation happening in these “rehabilitation centers.” There isn’t as much of a reintegration process that you’d think.

All of these things shape this characters as he’s—as you’re introduced to him in the story. You’re just kind of dropped into right when he gets out of prison, and he’s kind of just taking everything in, and realizing, “I’m all alone, I don’t have anyone, I don’t have anywhere to go. My only shot is finding my cousin.”

That character starts out very not sure-footed at all, really just having to pick up and really start building—and quick. He doesn’t have time or room for any trouble, anything that could potentially land him back in. He really just wants to be out, and not be there again. So this is a character that’s used to solving every problem with his fists and violence, and now he’s in a situation where he can’t do that at all anymore. He’s gotta do things the “legit way.” He’s gotta do things by the book. He’s gotta make sure he checks in with his P.O., make sure he gets a job right away, he has a place to stay—ticks off all the boxes because he does not want to go back inside.

Those survival behaviors that he had before don’t suit him anymore. He knows what he is and what he’s done, and he’s really trying to do different. After 20 years in the prison, living like that, having to fight to defend yourself, not having contact with anyone in the outside world, can he change? That’s what he wonders when he first comes out, Can he even change? Does he even have a shot at having a future, a family, falling in love…?

He can’t do it alone—we all need support—so the first thing he does is try to find his cousin and reconnect with her, because that was his best friend. But because of what happened and why he went into prison, he doesn’t necessarily know if he’s going to be able to find her, or if she’s even gonna want to talk to him. He’s very much dependent on her accepting him back into her life.

Their relationship was very, very good, they were very very close, like this, like siblings basically, except he was much older than her, so kind of more of a chibling relationship. He is really hinging everything, like, “If I can’t reconnect with this person, and she doesn’t want me, then that’s okay, I will go away… but then I’ll go away.” *chuckles* “I’ll go away… but I’ll also go away.”

So he’s in a very shitty position. It brings up issues of toxic masculinity, because he’s feeling like, “I should be the one taking care of her. I should have a job, I need to fucking get my shit together, I need to man up.” He uses those exact words. He just spent 20 years stuck in a prison with all these other men where it really is fight or die. It’s not a vacation.

So this character is dealing with all that, processing all that, and then he meets Olivia, and everything changes for both of them. They are immediately attracted to each other, and recognize something in each other. They also, because of their own individual traumas, can’t quite connect. He’s just getting out of prison and he’s like, “I gotta check all these boxes, because I’ve missed 20 years of my life. I want to have a family, I want to settle down… and I gotta do it yesterday.” Right? So he’s like ready to go, and she’s like “Uh, no.” She doesn’t want those things at all. They both have very good reasons for wanting and needing the things that they need and want.

They also complement each other at the same time. They also each have what each other needs. They have found a home and a family in each other.

Cliff immediately starts gathering his sort of support system. He’s got his cousin Lucy, he’s got Olivia, he’s also going to be having this P.O. that he can check in with, and then he will eventually have the club’s support as well.

He’s having to kind of learn everything on the fly, completely just picking it up and going. He doesn’t know what Facebook is, he doesn’t know how to use a cell phone, and he’s finding that even socially things have changed quite a bit, like in his own community. The people that he was familiar with have all faded away—the letters, the calls, the visits, those have gone. He doesn’t have any real community at all anymore. That looks completely different from what he remembers growing up.

Throughout the series, we see this character becoming less reluctant and more aware of his family history, and the generational trauma that he’s inherited. Through that understanding that he’s gaining, as he’s kind of navigating his role in the club and becoming a fully patched member, he starts to realize that he does want the club. He wants to make it what it could be. His father left a legacy that’s not so great. [Cliff] knows what he wants for it.

He goes from a person who has nothing, and has no direction, no support system—nothing—to a person who is leading. After not wanting to lead, but coming into that. Which has been so fun and so rewarding to write, and read. I know you guys love him.

His character was actually influenced by people I know in real life who did do time—throughout the years, spent a lot of time in prison, and actually were in prison longer than they were out. Through those experiences, they definitely have an interesting way of looking at life, and they have a very… amazing personality, quite honestly, because I think that it could change you. You could let it—like, Cliff worries about, is it going to change him, is he still going to be that monster that he thinks he is, he thinks he’s always going to be that person that went in and spent those 20 years in there.

It’s really easy to be that person, quite honestly. I think it’s easy to just give in and just let those things take over, and forget about what’s important, what’s within your control. I think it’s so much easier to just give in to it. Whereas, you can work and develop and evolve, and… I don’t want to say, like, “Take the lesson,” because prison is a very complicated conversation, and I don’t necessarily want to fully get into it, but I don’t think that most people start off in life thinking, “You know what I really hope? I hope I do some hard time!” *chuckles*

Most people are good people, and that’s not what they were intending at all. I think our system should reflect that, and support that, instead of supporting the chaos and trauma that come from being in prison. What I really wanted to do was highlight how very little support there is, and how very much we emphasize that prisoners should rehabilitate, but we give them very little support or opportunities to do that.

People can’t even get jobs coming out of prison. Most employers won’t hire a felon, and it doesn’t even matter if the crime wasn’t violent. In fact, recently I learned that most nursing homes won’t even let a felon recuperate in their nursing homes, even if they weren’t a violent criminal. That to me is just insane. You’re not giving people opportunities to actually come back into society. You’re completely blocking them out because of their past mistakes.

Through Cliff, I really wanted to highlight these things and draw awareness and attention to it, because it really is something that’s not mainstream at all. It’s just kind of always used as a plot device, like, “Oh, this character’s done hard time.” Well, you know, that comes with a lot of its own trauma, it comes with a lot of its own baggage, and it’s very interesting to explore, and I think it’s something worth talking about.


If you enjoyed this discussion on author burnout and character growth from prison to leader of the MC, please let me know. Please leave a comment on YouTube, you can also DM me, you can email me, or you can leave a comment on the shownotes on my blog.

Thank you so much for listening to Books, Bud, and Brews! I’m Elizabeth Barone, author of dark romance with a body count, and small town romance with a body count. You can check out all of my books, including some free books and chapters, on my website ElizabethBarone.com.



Thank you for listening to Episode 2 of Books, Bud, and Brews!

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Thank you, February sponsors!

Thank you to this month’s sponsors, B., Denise, and Lauren!

Become a sponsor for just $5 a month and get exclusive perks—like becoming a character in my next book.

Read A Disturbing Prospect for free

Whatever Cliff did to earn a life sentence must’ve been bad, but that doesn’t keep social worker Olivia from one killer night with him. He’s a prospect for the local biker club and the last person to see her missing mother. History seems doomed to repeat in this slow burn dark romance that kicks off the River Reapers MC series.

Whatever Cliff did to earn a life sentence, it must’ve been bad. That’s what Olivia thinks on her way to pick him up on his release day. But the ruggedly handsome ex-con with the gentle eyes can’t be all that bad, not when those killer hands touch Olivia like they were made for her. When their paths cross again, she realizes he might mean much more to her than just a one night stand in the back of a stranger’s car.

Olivia’s mother is missing, and Cliff is the key to finding her. Because the president of the local biker club they both work for has all the answers, and as Olivia gets closer to new prospect Cliff, she gets closer to finding her mother.

The club is the family Olivia’s sought her whole life, on the surface. The more entangled she becomes with Cliff and the club, the more she discovers that his life sentence and the club’s disturbing history have everything to do with her mother’s disappearance, and she never should’ve fallen for him in the first place.

A Disturbing Prospect is a slow burn, touch her and die, dark romance, and the first book in the River Reapers MC series.

A Disturbing Prospect Serial Edition

Be a character in my next book

I have a really fun idea for Sleeve of Hearts, and I want you to be part of it!

Throughout the Love in Ink series, we’ve seen the town of Stagwood Falls struggling to stay afloat in these crazy ass times. In A Touch of Gold, city planner David wants to revitalize Main Street by turning tattoo artist Goldie’s family building into a co-op (and Goldie is not on board, no matter how hot he is). In Tattooed Heart, town social worker Benton runs for mayor, and loses because of his need to do everything himself, almost ruining his chances with tattoo artist Sabella in the process. Now, in Sleeve of Hearts, the gang’s gotta get it together, or the whole town takes the L. Except now Goldie, David, Sabella, and Benton are a bit, well, busy in Romancelandia, if ya catch my drift. It’s up to Kinsley and Antoni, the “side characters” in the series, to save the day.

Kinsley thinks she’s “just a hairdresser” expanding her services by apprenticing under her award-winning big sister, but she, her cosmetology business, and a whole bunch of townies are actually gonna save the day. And you can be one of those townies!

What’s a townie? A townie is a character seen around the town of Stagwood Falls but not a main character in the book.

I’ll give your townie your first name and a smidge of your personality. Then I’ll bring them into the book in a fun, unique way that will be integral to the plot.

So for example, Denise’s townie is a local professional singer who Kinsley does hair and makeup for. We’ll see her in the beginning of the book and again at the end. Your townie may appear multiple times.

Thank you to my first sponsors B, Denise, Lauren, Vanessa A., and Vanessa D., and welcome to Stagwood Falls!

If you’ve read A Touch of Gold and Tattooed Heart, and want to be part of the epic finale in Sleeve of Hearts, let’s turn you into a townie!

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Books, Bud, and Brews: Episode 1

Welcome to Books, Bud, and Brews 📖💨☕️ with Elizabeth Barone, where we are hanging out, smoking up, and catching up. Today we’re discussing what makes reading so healing. I’ll read to you from my dark romance, A Disturbing Prospect. And we’ll talk favorite strains for leisure, pain management, and creativity.

Please subscribe and give this video a like if you’re watching on YouTube!

Intro

Welcome to the first episode of Books, Bud, and Brews! I’ve been wanting to do this for a long time, and after a lot of false starts, I’m so excited to finally stop telling myself no and just do it. I want this show to feel like you’re chillin’ with your bestie, smoking up and shooting the shit. But I’m also not gonna pretend like nothing is happening and everything is normal, because everything is not normal. We are going to dive into some deeper topics, so I won’t be ignoring what’s going on, and I’ll also work to strike a balance between going deep and staying cozy. I’ll look to you to tell me how deep you want me to go.

This week I’ve been running through Sleeve of Hearts revisions! After over a year of working on this book, I can finally, finally see the end in sight. I ended up going old school and printed out a hard copy and revising that way. There really is something to doing things the old fashioned way sometimes. It really does something to your brain, like flips a switch. So stay tuned for more on that series soon, because things are a-moving!

Why Reading is So Healing

We talk a lot in the community about reading being healing, but have you ever thought about why?

I truly believe books find you when you need them most. It’s so weird, so many times in my life, when I was going through something and turned to a book to escape, I ended up finding exactly what I needed in that book, even if the plot wasn’t relevant to my life. Like this past summer, I ended up reading several books back to back that all were exactly what I needed, in different ways. It was amazing, because I’d been going through a dry reading spell, and then out of nowhere I just blew through three or four in a row that were all incredible, and all of them gave me something.

I’ll link to those books in the show notes.

I really do believe the right books find you right when you need them.

Reading also helps you slow down and focus your brain. It’s really, really good for anxiety. When you’re absorbing each word—reading is very cerebral, and it’s the only entertainment where the audience controls the flow of time. When you’re watching a movie, that 90 minutes goes by. But when you’re reading, you can really slow down, savor every word. Some of us (hi) are reading the same words and paragraphs over and over. But it slows you down. It’s good stuff.

It also gives you an escape from reality. Your reality doesn’t even necessarily have to be traumatic for you to need an escape. It could just be the monotony of everyday life, and reading gives you a break from that. Or when you’re going through something, it can be an escape from some really hard times.

Or like, when I’m reading horror, it can help you realize maybe things aren’t so bad. Like, things are difficult in my life… but at least it’s not zombies.

Reading is also a safe way to work through trauma and other complicated feelings. So many dark romance authors say they wrote their books because they experienced those things. Writing it gave them a safe space to process that in a sort of sandbox. And the author creates that space for themselves—but also the reader. Tehre’s a lot of controversy about trigger warnings, btu they’re useful int wo ways.

Trigger and content warnings can tell you what topics you migt want to avoid. They can also help you find a book to safely process specific things.

It’s really amazing that auhtors can create those spaces for ourselves and our readers. We end up processing together. I really want to explore that more, going forward in my own career.

Because, research shows that writing creatively actually heals trauma. When you’re involving all five senses to write and process your trauma, it has a similar effect to that of EMDR. We’re definitely going to be talking about that more in future episodes, because I’m very excited about this.

Reading to You

Today I’m reading from the first book in my dark romance series, A Disturbing Prospect.

My Favorite bud

Where I live, in Connecticut, cannabis is legal medically and recreationally. It can be a bit hard to find informaiton, though. Dispensaries use different names than what we’re used to. It can become a sort of trial and error situation, and while it can be frustrating, it can also be fun.

Different strains have different effects, uses, and side effects. It can take some experimenting to find strains that work best for you.

For pain, I really like Hauntrica and Emerald Fire. Hauntrica is one that’s in the dispensaries, I believe only on the medical side. I’m not sure what its street name is. It’s so good for pain, though quite drying. I’ve found that all the best strains for pain tend to be drying.

I also really like Emerald Fire. I actually only just tried it a few months ago, and it’s now probably my all-time favorite. It’s also not hard to find, so I’ll hopefully be keeping it in rotation from here on. It’s a really good one to keep on hand for those bad pain days.

Indicas tend to be better for pain, I think because they have a higher THC content. Don’t quote me on that. There are some sativas that I like for pain, like Sour Diesel and Gelato. But I tend to stick to indicas for pain.

Now for leisure, that’s a whole different mood. You want to kick back, watch a movie, maybe laugh a little. Gelato and Sour Diesel are really good for that, while also keeping you alert and energized. They’re not gonna put you in couch lock. My other favorite, Skywalker, though, that’ll make you feel like a cartoon character blown back into a wall by a fan. That one, you throw on a movie and probably take a nap. But for reading and stuff like that where I want to be focused and really get into my book, I love Gelato and Sour D.

They’re also my picks for creativity. Again, they’re sativas and so they’re energizing, with serious creative vibes. You’ll really get into that zone with these two strains. You’ll be able to concentrate and the ideas will flow.

There are so many strains out there but I really am a simple girl. I have my handful of favorites and I’m good to go.

What strains are your favorite? Please let us know. It can be really difficult for people to get proper information, and in the 420 community, we are all about sharing, so don’t gatekeep!


I’m so exicted for what’s ahead in this podcast. I’ve got lots of ideas for segments, and I’m curious what you’re interested in. Please take a moment and take this quick poll to help me create better episodes for you.


Thank you for listening to Episode 1 of Books, Bud, and Brews!

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Girl code

What am I even doing here? I thought, backed into the dark alcove by the swarm of men, one of them armed. I really, really shouldn’t be here.

The foyer was huge but the house old and quirky with its oddly placed nooks. The one I occupied let me keep an eye on my fallen elderly neighbor without getting in EMS’s way.

At the moment, I couldn’t see her over the tops of the EMTs’ heads. The young one with the ponytail was saying he could give her a dose of something to keep her calm, and then they could transport.

“Let me know,” the responding officer said, and I begged my brain and body to please, please unfreeze.

I knew it was 2025, that I was standing in the foyer, that the person on the floor was my neighbor, not Mike lying unresponsive on the bottom of the stairs. My neighbor was deaf but otherwise very much present.

“Don’t fucking touch me,” she told the EMTs.

“We might have to dose her.”

I chewed on the inside of my cheek, my anxiety growing.

“I want my niece!” my neighbor wailed.

“Let me see how far away your niece is,” our other neighbor Carrie said, already redialing.

“If there’s no family or power of attorney,” the younger EMT was saying again, “and she can’t respond to questions, we have to take her.”

It was 2025, and not Mike, but something about the situation was eerily familiar. It wasn’t til later that I figured it out. When they were talking about taking her in even though she’d been loud and clear that she wanted to wait for her family, my brain cut to all the times I’ve been in the ER, fighting to advocate for myself or Mike to providers who don’t (for whatever reason) listen. Most recently, he’d fallen again due to an issue with his legs from the initial TBI in December 2023. We went to the ER by ambulance, and many hours later, when I went home to get some rest, staff left him in a forgotten corner, with a fall risk bracelet, full bladder, and no one to help him to the bathroom, go over his test results, or even just check on him. When I came back the next morning, their social worker tried telling me I needed to put him in 24-hour care, and that he’d forget all about me or that he was even there.

Mike was a little sleep deprived, dealing with a migraine after another fall, and (understandably) angry that he was being ignored. Despite the shitty situation, he was fully aware and alert. Not someone you’d put in long-term care.

Lightning doesn’t strike twice—usually—but I still wasn’t gonna let EMTs dope up my neighbor and take her to the ER. Best case scenario, she’d sit for a few hours, scared and stubborn, where they might not have the patience to let her self-advocate.

97 years old now, she was still working 10 years ago when Mike and I first moved in. I remember her and Mary giving me mums they’d gotten from work, just because I’d commented the ones on their porch were so pretty. Even then, I was impressed they were both still working at the factory. Impressed, and sad, because I know how hard it is to get by.

“Family is on the way,” I reminded the eager EMT.

“We’ll take our time, then,” the older EMT said, gently rubbing my neighbor’s back. They’d finally convinced her to let them help her up from the floor and onto her bed. She refused to admit whether she was hurt, stubbornly resisting.

Not that I could blame her.

Even though she’s 97, and deaf, and can’t really see, she’s very much still with it. She will cuss out anyone and everyone, keeps her apartment immaculate, and chats with the mailman every morning. Every time I’ve had to call EMTs for Mike this past year, she’s poked her head out and checked in, worried about us.

This is her home. It was also her home with Mary, who passed away a few years ago. That night, I heard her crying for Mary and went right down to check on them. Unfortunately, there wasn’t anything we could do, other than sit with her until EMTs and then family came.

I felt even more useless yesterday. Because of my lupus and endometriosis, I tend to hibernate for long periods of time. One of my neighbors once jokingly commented, “I didn’t know you drive.” At the tattoo shop Mike apprenticed at, the artists busted Mike’s balls that he didn’t really have a wife. “I do exist,” I told them with a laugh the first time I was able to visit.

My neighbor didn’t seem to recognize me at all, but thankfully she’d become familiar with our other first floor neighbor, Carrie.

“We’ll take it nice and slow, as long as it takes to keep her safe and not scared,” the older EMT said. The others acquiesced, and I finally started to come back into my own body.

“Thank you, guys,” I said, hoping I inflected my words with the deep gratitude I felt. I knew I was potentially overstepping my role as neighbor seen and not heard, but I’ve seen firsthand how people fall through the cracks in the system. Some people even get shoved through the cracks. Carrie and I were doing our best putting the pieces together for the EMTs, but we aren’t family and we don’t really know her. I don’t know her D.O.B. or her medications, for example. I don’t know who has P.O.A. or what her rights as an elderly woman are.

I do know that if I were her, I’d want my sovereignty and dignity preserved. I definitely wouldn’t want to be drugged up, carted into an ambulance, and taken to the hospital without my consent.

In certain circumstances, they have to. If my neighbor truly had no one, she’d be stuck on the floor, unable to care for herself. If I hadn’t waited to take my shower, and heard her fall and calling out, and Carrie hadn’t happened to stop home quick for her dog, she could’ve been on the floor for days. So I got why the EMTs were considering that option.

But it wasn’t necessary.

Suddenly I understood exactly why I was there.

Even in my trauma brain state, I was able to advocate for her. She made it clear she wanted to wait for her family, and they weren’t really listening—they were asking me if she had dementia. Carrie and I looked at each other and laughed; she’d just cussed out our landlord the other day, but not because of dementia!

If I’d just called 911 from upstairs and continued about my day rather than going down, if Carrie hadn’t stopped home to let out her dog, the EMTs more than likely would’ve taken her under a PEER/PREE and she would’ve sat in a forgotten corner of the ER for who knows how long before family was contacted.

Explanation of a PEER/PREE in Connecticut
(Police Emergency Examination Request)
#KnowYourRights

I kept going into freeze state with flashbacks, and evidently it was noticeable because that same empathetic EMT asked if I was okay. But I pushed through it, reminding myself that as awkward as I felt, I was there for a reason. My job, I understood, was to witness, and support whatever my neighbor wanted.

I’d enacted girl code.

It’s a thing we do, often without words exchanged. We have to, because the system isn’t structured for us. It doesn’t protect us. Often, it exploits us.

And now, more than ever, we need girl code.

So I’m enacting it, worldwide, right here, right now.

Often, we feel like, “What can I do? I’m just… well… me.”

This is what we do. We enact girl code, and we adhere to it no matter what happens. No matter how small a difference it seems. Because actually, girl code is everything.

The system pits us against each other, but girl code applies to all. I’ve seen girl code executed by and for complete strangers. Girl code defies the system. It’s the most basic resistance. We look out for each other just because.

Girl code shall be enacted from here on, for all girls and women, regardless of difference in color, race, ethnicity, ability, age, status, station, title, or identity (including transgender women and nonbinary people; girl code does not differentiate “wombyn”).

We are one.

We are legion.

This is it, ladies.

It’s go time.


Edit: In light of the presidential executive order that designates all American people as female, I’m enacting girl code worldwide for all. We now all have each other’s backs, no matter what.


Photo by Library of Congress on Unsplash

3 books you slept on in 2024

Three books I read in 2024 gave me back-to-back book hangovers.

Weeks and weeks later, I’m still thinking about each of them.

The way Nikki and Ainsley had each other’s backs in Friends with Secrets. Ursa’s quarks—little things that all come together as if meant to be—in Where the Forest Meets the Stars. How we find little ways to keep going while grieving in In An Instant.

Some people believe that books find you just when you need them most, and sometimes I’m one of those people.

All of the characters are dealing with some pretty heavy things, with unexpected friendships growing out of them. These books became unexpected friends to me in the middle of a reading rut.

(We can all agree that “reading rut” is code for depression, right?)

And now I can’t read anything else. I want to read them all again.

You probably slept on these books in 2024, so now you get to read them for the first time!

This post contains affiliate links. I chose and read and loved these books myself, and I’m recommending them to you. If you purchase them using my links, I’ll receive a small commission. Thank you for your support!

Friends with Secrets, by Christine Gunderson

Rating: 5 out of 5.

Friends with Secrets mixes humor with suspense, which I wouldn’t have thought possible, but Christine Gunderson pulled it off. It’s about the perceptions we have of each other based on how things look, with moms Nikki and Ainsley each assuming the other has it so much better. As they get to know each other, they realize not only do they have more in common than they thought, but they could be each other’s most powerful allies. After all, someone has to shut up that awful Tiffany, the Regina George of moms. And who better than the dynamic duo who take down a rapist (which you guys know is my all-time favorite unofficial trope). There’s a bit of romance thrown in, two, with each woman resolving conflicts with her respective husband. I loved every moment of this book.


Where the Forest Meets the Stars, by Glendy Vanderah

Rating: 5 out of 5.

This is another book that defies genres, and it does so proudly with some clever magical realism. It’s written so that you become fully immersed in the most beautiful bubble. There is so much love in this book, it wraps you up in the warmest hug. This book ripped my heart out, then methodically put me back together, teaching me to look for the quarks. I can’t help but see them ever since.


In An Instant, by Suzanne Redfearn

Rating: 5 out of 5.

I knew this book was gonna be one of those books—like If I Stay and Lovely Bones. It tells you up front that there’s going to be a fatal car accident, and our teenage heroine is going to die, young and unfinished. But I didn’t expect it when it came. Suzanne Redfearn does such a good job of getting you wrapped up in all the interpersonal issues between the members of the family, complicated relationships that only get more complex as the characters process their grief in very different ways. As each character healed and let go, I found myself healing and letting go. A beautiful love story about grief and finding your way forward.


Which books published in 2024 were your favorites? Let us know the title and author in the comments!

Tattooed Heart, Chapter 2

She talked so fast, I could barely follow. The whole time, she had a dreamy smile on her face, nude painted lips parted, pearly white teeth exposed. Her eyes had a distant, whimsical look in them.
She was even more beautiful when she talked about teaching art to combat depression.

Catch Up

Chapter 2: Your Mom’s Basement

Benton

At exactly five a.m., my alarm went off. I strode into the kitchen where my best friend’s mom handed me a cup of coffee. My Italian mom, who gave me a place to land both times life hit me with a wallop.

“Thank you, Mama M,” I said in a low voice, taking an appreciative sip. As a teacher, she had to be up early, too, and we usually had our coffee together.

“Who are you going to see this morning?” she asked, giving me a knowing look.

“It’s Tuesday, so it’s Tula day,” I said.

“Which means you’ll be having vindaloo for lunch, so you don’t need this lasagna I packed.” She slid the container on the counter closer to her than me.

“Oh, I definitely need that lasagna,” I said, sliding it back to me. “Tula’s next-door neighbor just had a baby, and she doesn’t do curry. This’ll make the perfect lunch for her. I wanted to talk to her about signing up for WIC and SNAP. Her husband’s hours got cut—that’s what these programs are there for.” I slipped the container into my bag.

“Will you be home for dinner?” Mama M asked. “Or will this be one of those nights?”

“Probably gonna be one of those nights,” I admitted. I almost never made it home for dinner. “The renter’s rebate applications started coming in, and I want to stay on top of them.” I really needed an assistant, but there was no such position. A second social worker would work wonders, but tightwad Mayor Gregory Allen Matthews III—he always made sure to include his whole ass name—would never cough up the budget for one.

Mama M gave me a look.

“I know,” I said, giving her a kiss on the cheek. “Have a good day.”

“Tell my son to come for dinner tomorrow night,” she said, “and you and Goldie better be there, too.”

Since there were finally buds on the trees and I wouldn’t freeze my balls off, I walked over to Tula’s. The Shahs only lived a quick fifteen-minute walk from the Mosconis, in the condos behind the post office.

I knocked on Mrs. Shah’s door—Tula, she insisted. Before she started slinging tikka masala out of her kitchen, she and her husband ran Naan of That, the best thing to ever happen to Stagwood Falls. I used to go there just for their cinnamon and sugar naan. Life changing, that stuff. For four beautiful years, they ran that restaurant, just the two of them and their teenage daughter after school. The Shahs were older parents and barely kept up with the restaurant when their daughter went away to college, and when the pandemic hit, they had no choice but to close. Between tuition and inflation, they were struggling to get by, which was how they started selling to-go meals out of their back door. Technically, they didn’t have a license, but what the mayor didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him. And I wasn’t about to snitch. I needed my vindaloo fix.

Besides, in a small town that was still very white, black and brown stuck together.

“How are you doing, Tula?” I asked as I settled into her cozy kitchen. Most people were still sleeping, but she rose early to start cooking. It was the only time I could catch her before she headed out to make her deliveries. It suited me just fine, because I was an early bird, too.

Passing me a cup of turmeric ashwagandha, she sat across from me. “Drink up. It’ll help your stress.”

“Who says I’m stressed?” I took a sip anyway. Tula was very serious about her tea. She swore if I drank it every day, it’d cure all my problems. “Anyway, I’m here for you.” I tugged the wrinkled pamphlet out of my bag.

“This again.” She waved a hand at me. “I told you, this is our home.”

I looked around at the kitchen, the vase of fresh tulips on the counter, the bowl of mangos, the Buddha sitting by the sink. “It is,” I said gently. “Senior living isn’t so bad, though. It’s like a little condo in a community full of people your age…and it goes by your income. I just don’t want you to struggle anymore.” I took her hand in both of mine.

“Oh! That reminds me.” She jumped up and gave me a bowl of sliced mango. “You need to eat something other than coffee in the morning.”

How lucky I was, to be surrounded by mothers. I took a grateful bite, moaning in appreciation. Tula’s mangos came from her sunroom grove of bonsais and were the sweetest I’d ever tasted. I couldn’t blame her for not wanting to leave her home. It made no sense that senior living couldn’t offer a stipend for people who already had housing.

“Same time next week?” I asked her, tucking away the pamphlet.

“Your vindaloo,” she said, giving me the container. “And I—”

“Need this back. I know.” I hugged her tight. “Tula, if you need anything—”

“Just you and your handsome smile.” She patted my face. “Keeps my blood pumping.”

I chuckled. “Are you saying you only keep me around for my good looks?”

“Those cheekbones, that smile,” she gushed. “My daughter is in pre-med school, you know. She’ll be a doctor. She’s also very beautiful.” She nodded to a photo on the refrigerator.

“You remind me every week. I think she’s a little young for me, though.”

“She won’t be too young by the time she graduates,” she said with a wink.

“All right, Tula. Be easy.” I walked into the morning sunlight with a smile. I almost always did, after seeing Tula.

I knocked softly on her neighbor’s door, in case the baby was still sleeping, and gave her Mama M’s lasagna with an application for SNAP and WIC. “Just so you have it,” I said before she could argue.

She gave me a tired smile. “Thank you.”

“I’ll pick it up next week. Remember, it’s your tax dollars. It’s there for you.”

“Okay,” she agreed.

“Wish Grocery takes SNAP,” I reminded her, “and Grandma Wish would never give you a hard time for it. Trust me. I grew up on SNAP. David, too. She’ll probably even load you up with some extra if Gardner Farms oversupplies her.”

“Is that how you got to be so handsome?” she teased. “All those fresh veggies.”

I headed to the office, greeting people getting into their cars on my way. Daffodils and tulips were popping up everywhere, chasing away the winter blues. It’d been a long one, for me anyway. Mama M treated me like one of her own, and David was my brother from another mother, but I felt more disconnected than ever, especially since David spent more and more time with Goldie. I mostly saw him at work, sometimes at The Main Idea. Our weekly game nights were becoming our only guy time. To take the edge off the loneliness, I dove deeper into work. If the shoe was on the other foot and I was one of my clients, I’d gently suggest to me that I might have some abandonment issues leftover from my parents.

Tula was right. Not about me marrying her daughter—we were on too different paths of life for me to ever consider it—but I should get back out on the market. I just didn’t have anything to show for myself.

On my way through the building, I passed David’s empty office. He used to show up early like me. Now he had a life. He had a beautiful girlfriend he’d probably marry, and they’d make even prettier babies, surrounded by their warm, loving families. He’d probably be city planner until he retired, which meant his beautiful home up in the Stagwood Heights neighborhood was going to be his forever, a place to raise his family.

Family could mean so many different things, something built from scratch or something built in. I knew I was lucky to be surrounded by so many people who cared about me. Part of me felt like they were just being nice, though, handling the defect who couldn’t get his life together with kid gloves.

I stepped into my office and almost ran into Sabella—beautiful, beautiful Sabella, the woman who’d once invited herself back to my place after drinks and I’d messed that up by not having a place to take her to. Then she’d laughed at me.

No wonder she was single.

“Good morning,” she said, handing me a coffee.

I looked at it and her suspiciously. “Good morning,” I repeated. She wore her long black hair parted down the middle and straightened, framing her face. It skimmed her waist, or at least I thought so. Her hair blended into the oversized Touch of Gold hoodie she wore over leggings. Black, black, and more black. Even first thing in the morning, no makeup or anything, Sabella was stunning. “You’re the real life Morticia,” I blurted.

“If that’s supposed to be an insult, you’re gonna have to do a lot better than that,” she said. “Morticia Addams is a compliment. She’s a Latina queen.”

“It was a compliment,” I said, “but now I take it back. What are you doing here?”

“You can’t undo a compliment. And I already know you want to hit this,” she said sweetly.

“Wanted,” I corrected. For all her beauty, she had zero filter. I liked that I couldn’t predict her, and did not like how sharp her tongue could be. “So what do you want?”

“Your help,” she said, sitting in the visitor’s chair at my desk. “I want to put aside your heartbreaking rejection and ask for your help with a proposal—”

“No way,” I interrupted.

“—for my community art program,” she finished. She folded her hands in her lap, and I spotted dainty tattoos on her fingers before she moved them again, gesturing. “So? Are you going to help me? Pretty please. With sugar.” She batted long lashes at me. “It’s for the community. For mental health. Art therapy is—”

“Come on, we talked about this at David’s,” I said. “I’ve got too much on my plate. The timing—”

“Is a little crazy, I know, but hear me out. Don’t you think the town needs something exactly like this right now?” She blinked up at me, big brown eyes suckering me in.

We just kept looking at each other, her gaze inquisitive and soft, and mine… Well, I probably looked dopey as hell, staring at her. I couldn’t help it. From the moment I saw her at The Main Idea a year earlier, I hadn’t been able to look away. She was all bronze skin and legs, with more tattoos than I could possibly process, up and down every inch of exposed arm, leg, and even her neck. Most of them were roses. Sabella was covered in roses. The red complemented her skin, and the flowers only enhanced her beauty.

“Won’t you let me at least give you my pitch? I’ve been practicing in the mirror,” she pleaded.

“Fine. Give me your pitch. I’m not making any promises,” I warned.

She clapped her hands together, breaking the spell. “¡Wepa!” As she pulled a folder out of her bag, it snagged on the zipper and ripped the corner.

This girl was a beautiful tornado. A walking work of art. And I’d foolishly rejected her, probably taking out any chance of ever really getting to know her, never mind date her.

“In a perfect world, I want to do class twice a week for six weeks—eight, really—with a show at the end of it. A big festival. Outdoor, probably, with vendors and live music, and—”

She talked so fast, I could barely follow. The whole time, she had a dreamy smile on her face, nude painted lips parted, pearly white teeth exposed. Her eyes had a distant, whimsical look in them.

She was even more beautiful when she talked about teaching art to combat depression.

I dropped into the chair on the other side of the desk, my legs a little weak. Everything she was saying was exactly the reason I’d become a social worker. Like her, I wanted to reach out and give people a little lift. Life was hard. Most people were weighted down by poverty or chronic illness, either physical or mental—hell, sometimes both. I’d grown up with separated parents who had me young and never grew up themselves. I was used to coming home to an empty home, my mom at her second job. Dad wasn’t around much, but he made sure I got everything I needed. Money was still tight, even with social services. There were programs Mom didn’t even know about that she found out about through friends. I wanted to make sure everyone knew about these programs, and even make some new ones that everyone had access to.

Sabella was speaking directly to my soul. Our eyes locked again, two souls communicating without words. We wanted the same thing for Stagwood Falls, a place that’d been hit hard by both recessions in our lifetime. People in town were suffering, and only a handful of them came into my office. Some were too prideful or even ashamed to ask for help. An art program would draw people in, and by talking to them throughout the program, I could gauge their needs and make casual suggestions.

“We could do so much together,” I said at last.

“That’s what I’m saying!” she said with a grin. “So are you in, homeless Benton?”

“I already told you I’m in, and don’t call me that,” I said.

“Sometimes in my head I call you Señor Serio,” she said, dropping her voice and exaggerating a serious expression.

“Don’t call me that either,” I said.

“See? So serious. You’re gonna get frown lines right here.” Standing, she reached across my desk and touched the spot between my eyebrows. Heat bloomed where the pads of her fingers met my skin, radiating through me. Her hands on me felt like the kind of good I’d never get enough of.

The kind of good that wouldn’t matter because I had nothing to offer her.

I caught her hand in mine. “Let’s just focus on the program, cool?”

“Cool,” she said with a shrug, but I didn’t miss the disappointment in her eyes. Maybe she’d felt it, too. Maybe she hadn’t. It didn’t matter.

If I helped roll out her art program, I’d have a foolproof reason for Matthews to give me a raise. Then I’d finally get out of David’s old bedroom, and I’d have something real to offer a woman like Sabella.

I rolled up my sleeves.


Thank you for reading Chapter 2 of Tattooed Heart, Book 2 in the Stagwood Falls: Love in Ink series.


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“The small town vibes are impeccable”
-Kobo reader

“I love how she writes so real”
-Kobo reader

“Crazy tension”
-Kobo reader

Sabella makes a living covering up people’s bad tattoos, creating art out of regrets and mistakes. When she finds herself separated from her high school sweetheart turned heartbreaker, she doesn’t just go into hiding; she takes her best friend up on an offer for a fresh start at her new tattoo shop and runs all the way to Stagwood Falls, an idyllic town reinventing itself after its own heartache. It’s the perfect place to hide, and it’s where she finds a new purpose: teaching the healing power of art to a community that’s desperate to move on. Unfortunately, to put her plan into action, Sabella must enlist the help of one sexy, sensitive town social worker, Benton Rhinehart—AKA the guy who wants nothing to do with her after their first encounter ended in hurt feelings and a wounded ego.

Benton gives everything to the people of Stagwood Falls, but the bank still took all he had when the recession hit. Instead of rebuilding himself, he eagerly dove headfirst into solving other people’s problems. So when Sabella comes to him with her community art program plan, Benton doesn’t hesitate to throw himself fully into it, even if that means working with the woman who shamelessly snubbed him the first time they met.

Despite their rocky start, it’s hard to ignore that Sabella and Benton make a great team. Their business relationship quickly turns into a friendship they both desperately need. Even though they’re better off as friends, the more time they spend together, the harder it is to ignore that there’s something much deeper going on. But when Sabella’s ex comes to town saying everything she wants to hear, she has to choose between her heart and her dream. Both feel like the same thing, and choosing wrong is one mistake she won’t be able to cover up.

“Scorching hot passion”
-Goodreads reader

“Great miscommunication trope book”
-Goodreads reader


Photo by juriymaslak / Depositphotos

Romance with a Body Count, Issue 1

Amazon doesn’t want you to learn this hack 📚

Welcome to author Elizabeth Barone’s reader newsletter Romance with a Body Count, and welcome to 2025!

I’m really happy to be home, in my real life, in my spiritual life, and in my author life. Did you notice my website is now ElizabethBarone.com? When I published my debut novel back in 2012, my name .com wasn’t available, so I had to get the .net domain. I felt so unprofessional, I eventually switched to elizabethbaronebooks .com. It’s such a long URL, though, and I still really wanted my name .com. Over a decade later, I finally got my wish, and it feels like a sign to keep going.

I don’t know why a domain mattered so much to me. I think it comes from my days as a web designer; in the business world in the early 2000s, it was like a death sentence if you couldn’t get a .com. More than likely this was a marketing tactic employed by Big Domain, and I definitely gulped down that Kool-Aid. So silly, looking back, but noticing this made me realize I’m still waiting for a lot of things to be perfect before I feel like I can do the thing (or like I’ve made it). Imagine if I’d waited until I got the domain I wanted to publish my debut novel?

I’ve been doing a lot of inner healing while recovering from my big lupus flare in 2020, working on getting better so I can “get back to” my life. Except my life, it turns out, is right here, right now, regardless of whether it looks like I envisioned.

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A Risky Prospect, Chapter 5

The heat radiating from his eyes will burn me alive. My heart races faster, and I’m not sure if it’s from exhilaration or fear. Because as much as I’m dreading what I think he’s going to say, it feels nice to be wanted.

Even if I can’t give him what he wants.

“Where are you planning on going when Esther moves out?”

Here we go.

catch up

Chapter 5

Olivia

“I’ll see you tonight,” I promise Esther. “Call me if . . .”

I don’t finish. Esther doesn’t need me. What she needs is the relief that comes with her family’s safety. She doesn’t need me to hold her hand. She needs me to get her some answers. I won’t be able to do anything for her until Monday, when I start my new job with the Waterbury Department of Children and Families.

“Thank you,” she says, squeezing my hand. “And I do need you, chica. You keep me calm and focused just by being here. So thank you.”

I leave my hand in hers, too stunned to say anything. Being wanted sends a spark of warmth through me. I squeeze her hand back, then release it. “Let’s go,” I say to Cliff, hurrying past him and out of the club house.

On to the next emergency—my biographic title.

“Hey,” Cliff calls after me.

Shoulders tightening, I dangle between pretending not to hear him and riding off, or actually dealing with him right now. Except I’m not dressed for riding, so it’s either go back into the club house and grab my gear, or warm the seat behind him.

Smoothing away my emotions, I turn around. “How pissed is Lucy?” I ask, hoping that’s all he wants to talk about.

He grimaces. “Pretty pissed. Want a ride?”

I try not to mirror the look on his face. I don’t want to hurt his feelings. I just need a little distance right now. Plus, I’ll use any excuse to take out the Street Glide.

“I get it,” he says when I don’t answer right away. “Why ride with me when you can ride your own?” His grin lights up his face. There’s nothing but affection there.

I nod, even though that’s not it. I really need to clear my head.

“Go get changed,” he says. “I’ll wait for you.”

I take a step back toward the club house. “That’s okay. One of us should get to Lucy before she explodes.”

“I’m not really looking forward to facing Livid Lucy and your parents on my own,” he admits.

No matter how muddled my head is, I can’t subject him to that kind of torture. “You’re right. It’s safer if we stick together.” I laugh, and his face softens as he reaches for me.

“I want to talk to you about something.” He places a hand on each side of my waist and pulls me into him, and I nearly dissolve in his arms.

I swallow. “We should go.”

“It’ll take two minutes. I’ll ask, you’ll say yes, and then we’ll handle your parents and Lucy.”

The heat radiating from his body, from his eyes—it will burn me alive. My heart races faster and faster, and I’m not sure if it’s from exhilaration or fear. Because as much as I’m dreading what I think he’s going to say, it feels nice to be wanted.

Even if I can’t give him what he wants.

“Where are you planning on going when Esther moves out?”

Here we go.

I shrug as if I haven’t put any thought into it. “Not sure I’m going anywhere. I mean, my salary with DCF should cover rent.” Barely. “I’ll probably keep my bartending job to fill in the gaps.”

“What if you didn’t have to?” The corners of his lips lift, brown eyes pools that I could dive into. Drown in. He’s the water and I’m the stone.

“I like bartending. Besides, it’s a way out of Prospect pranks.” I roll my eyes, but my smile is fond. Along with club dues, Prospects—potential members of the MC—get the grunt work. That’s how it is. But I swear the guys are giving me the extra special treatment, because there’s no way that regular Prospects have to do things like buy hemorrhoid cream and magnum condoms. Then there was the time they sent me to pick something up, and there was nothing at the address they gave me—not even a building.

It’s like having a gang of older brothers. Their brand of torture is harmless, but it’s a huge pain in my ass. Not to mention a waste of gas. If I’m too busy with work and bartending for them, they can’t send me wandering all over the state. At least, that’s what I’m banking on.

“Just wait ’til you find out what they’ve got planned next,” Cliff says, kissing the tip of my nose. His hands slide up and down my waist. A hot breeze moves my skirt around my thighs. All I want to do is drag him upstairs with me. I have to get undressed anyway.

He kisses the side of my neck, just under my ear, and I’m melting into him again. My neck arches back, exposing my throat. Leaning down, he licks the slope from my chin to the hollow of my collar bone. His lips rest in the space, notching in as if they were made to fit my body.

“Let me take over Esther’s half of your rent.” His lips move against my skin as he speaks, and my knees go weak.

Traitors.

“Cliff,” I moan. “We have to go.” Putting a hand on each side of his chest, I push him away, even though I don’t really want to. I want to take him upstairs with me, let this fantasy envelope me for another little while.

It doesn’t work that way. Things with Cliff need to stay easy if I’m going to remain intact. No tangling up our lives until he’s so deep inside me, I’ll never get him out. A man almost ruined me once before. I’ll never let it happen again.

“I’ll be down in five,” I tell him, tone firm. Without looking back at him, I head into The Wet Mermaid.



The Street Glide hums between my thighs, a constant vibrating purr that reverberates through my bones. This thing is power. It’s the crash of ocean against land, the crush of a flower in a hand, the punishing whip of a sandstorm across the desert.

It already feels like an extension of me.

I push it faster, leaning forward into the wind. My hair lashes out behind me in a stream. If it were possible to do so without getting sand in my mouth, I’d be smiling. I’m the happiest I’ve been in a long time—and the most free.

Cliff draws even with me, throwing an annoyed glance my way. I lift one shoulder. He motions for me to slow down and pull over, his hands and fingers in black leather gloves.

I roll my eyes. We’re just getting to the good part. I’m not exactly sure where we are, as far as town lines go, but I do remember that the road curves ahead, snaking wildly this way and that. It’s a fun stretch to drive in a car. I’m dying to find out how it is on the Harley.

Cliff makes a more fervid motion. His message is clear, but I pretend not to understand. Lifting a hand in a wave, I take off. For a second, I swear I hear a sigh behind me, but that’s impossible. My engine is too loud.

The first curve begins. I don’t slow, but I do lean into the turn just like Cliff taught me. The Harley leans so far, if I glance to my right, the road is only inches from my face. My heart thrusts blood through my veins, and despite the wind, I do smile. Pitted gray gravel blurs past me. A black spot could be an ant or a droplet of grease. I pretend it’s the former, that I’m some Greek goddess looking down on my Earth.

Taking it all in.

As the turn ends, I right the bike. Being vertical again makes blood rush from my head and I feel slightly faint. Dizzy. My hands go numb, my legs heavy. I let my body go limp on the bike, tipping my head back. The air rushes up my neck, a cold caress. I’m a little tempted to let go of the handlebars, but I know Cliff is right behind me and I’m sure my little stunt already gave him a heart attack.

I’ll hear all about it later.

For now I just ride, uniting my body with the machine between my legs, leaning into curves, pushing myself closer to the road every time. It’s an edge that I’m riding—too far and I’ll get myself a nice tattoo of road rash up and down that half of my body. Maybe even wreck myself entirely. It’s the line I’m straddling that gives me a high. Every time I sit upright again, every time adrenaline flushes my system, I feel invincible.

I decide I’m going to name the bike Até, after the Greek goddess of mischief. She’s another part of me, like we were made for each other. It feels like I have to put barely any effort into this. Then again, both Ravage and Donny have said several times that I ride like my father.

Mercy—the first man who taught me how to ride.

Not for the first time, I wonder how different things would’ve been for me if he’d stayed out of prison. If Bree had stayed put. I would have a family much different from the one that adopted me. Even though I wouldn’t trade Lucy for anything, being adopted has its complications.

Mainly, Cliff.

As I cross the Middlebury line, heading south on Route 63, he appears at my side. We’re doing a slower 40 mph, so I actually hear him when he shouts over to me.

“Are you trying to scratch up that Harley?” His silky black hair flies out behind him, and the urge to run my fingers through it makes my hands twitch. I’m always wet after our rides, and today is no different.

Yet this damned ceremony is the only thing Lucy and Cliff have been able to talk about for weeks.

I’m glad we missed it. My adoptive parents have no idea about my second life, but they will soon enough. They’ve done a lot for me over the years, and have always treated me as their own, but I haven’t told them about Cliff yet. It’s bound to cause an argument.

This is my life, not theirs. It’s not even Lucy’s or Cliff’s. Even though I’m not entirely sure what I’m going to do with this life yet, I want the freedom to figure it out. Patting the Street Glide, I slow down as I veer off Route 63 and onto Park Road, toward the restaurant.

At the restaurant, we back our bikes into spaces side by side. I kick down the stand but don’t move. I’m not looking forward to telling my parents that I’m banging the nephew who ruined their lives—according to them.

Never mind what Cliff’s father was doing to their daughter.

I’ve never known two people more in denial.

Cliff pulls me into his arms—thick, muscular limbs that wrap around me. He presses full lips to mine, the metal of his septum piercing cool against my skin. Another change he’s made lately. Yet here I am, still the same.

“It’s going to be okay, Olivia.”

The way he says my name sends warm tingles down my spine. Again I’m overcome by the urge to hop back on our bikes, go to my place, and ride him. But then I’d have to deal with his questions.

I’m not sure who I’d rather face right now—him or my parents.

“Thanks,” I whisper.

I lead him to Elena’s, an expensive Italian restaurant that my parents are obsessed with. They didn’t ask where I’d rather have my graduation brunch, same way they didn’t ask where Lucy wanted hers. Nora and Collin always assume that they know best, end of story.

I step inside, Cliff at my back, both of us still wearing our cuts, jeans, and riding boots despite the humidity. Better to sweat than to get third degree burns from the bikes.

The cold air is a welcome caress. I glance around for my parents and Lucy and, spotting them at a table in the back, ignore the hostess.

“Come on,” I say in a low voice. I weave past the tables, trusting that Cliff is following me and not heading for the hills.

It’s funny, the things that send us running.

For me, it’s the prospect of moving in with him. The unspoken feelings he carries in his eyes.

For him, it’s my parents. The history they share, long before Nora and Collin welcomed me into their home.

Mom smiles when she sees me, her face freezing and falling when she spots Cliff on my heels. Dad follows her gaze, his mouth hardening into a thin line.

“Hey, guys,” Lucy says, rising from her seat and giving us hugs. It’s good to know she’s on my side, no matter how pissed off she is at us for making her wait.

“We only reserved a table for four,” Mom sniffs.

I’m in for a long day.


Thank you for reading Chapter 5 of A Risky Prospect, Book 2 in the River Reapers MC series.


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